Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
