anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
