yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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