The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
