Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
