She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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