she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
