she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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