Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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