it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
