is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize