I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
