Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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