so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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