Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The adults are the big ones right?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
