everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
