i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
