I need help removing her.
My liver just broke up with me...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
