walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
