My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
