I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
