Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
