you turned your livingroom into a bong?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
