my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
