Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
