If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Randomize
