the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you will always have a special place in my vag
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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