i think my mom watched the whole time
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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