It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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