The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
