i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
