it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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