i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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