I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
