The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
