She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
