careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize