He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
