God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
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