My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
