oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
