dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
