cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
