ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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