after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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