How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
