birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
