i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
