That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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