Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
