well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
