you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
