Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
