worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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