Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
