I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
