my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
