I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
