That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I see more hoeing in ur future
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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