Moan for me like Helen Keller
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
