brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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