Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
