She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
