Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
