Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize