how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
