I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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