he thought i was a dude.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
