She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
