Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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