his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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