Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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