we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Is her dick bigger than yours?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
