How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
